The Past becomes Present...maybe

As a result of the worst date of my life, some potentially good things might happen. That horrible night when I was very upset and needing someone to talk to, one of the people I had called was someone from my past. This particular person, AS, was in my life in a very serious way for over a year, but we have not spoken to each other in a few months. When I called him, he did not answer, and I realized later that it was just a moment of weakness on my part, and hoped that he would just ignore the missed call. Well, he didn't and decided to call me the next morning. We talked, and he was very concerned about why I had called him. I told him what happened to me the night before and he was very caring in his responses. Later that afternoon, I saw that I had a text from him asking me if I had any plans that night. I told him no, and we decided to go mini golfing and loser buys ice cream.
From the moment we met at the mini golf place, it felt easy and totally comfortable. We joked around the whole time and had a lot of fun. Of course I lost the first round, so I had to buy the ice cream, but I was ok with it even though I HATE to lose!!! AS and I then went to DQ for our treats, and decided to sit outside and talk while we ate. It was an awesome night outside, and our short trip for ice cream turned into a two hour conversation full of catching up on family, work, and school. It felt so nice to be talking with him again, but also weird at the same time. We also talked about things that went wrong in our relationship, and things both of us could have done to be a better partner. We of course faced the demons that had occurred during and after our breakup. I sheepishly admitted to him how much he hurt me by the actions he took after our breakup and all the stories I had heard. Even though this was not a fun topic to talk about, it had to be faced for us to move on.
When I got home that night, I was so confused on what I really felt. On one hand, this was the person that I had fallen in love with and invested most of my time. On the other hand, this was also the person that made me cry (a lot) and broke my heart. The time we spent together that night reminded me of why we were ever together in the first place, but I also could not ignore all that had happened in the past. We talked later, and decided that we would just take things as they come and be friends as of now, and what happens happens.
AS came over to my place tonight and made me the best pizza ever!!! We ate, drank wine, and watched a movie. He got to meet my dog, Izzy, which went surprisingly well since he is not a big animal lover. The whole night was once again simple, easy, and fun. But I am not going to lie, there were a couple of moments when I felt those same feelings for him that I had in the past, but I tried to push them away. After the movie, we hugged goodbye, and I was left feeling confused more than ever. I have no idea what to do or what to feel. I am so scared of getting hurt again, but I cannot help the way I feel about him either. I guess we will just have to wait and see which one wins out, my head or my heart...~Kimberly

Worst Date EVER!!!

So it has been a while since I have last updated my readers on the happenings in my life, and to those who wake up daily looking forward to reading about a piece of my life, I am truly sorry. I will try and do a more consistent job. I feel as though the last week has faced me with a lot of life lessons, questions about the past and the present, and new decisions to make. So lets start from the beginning and I hope that I do not confuse you as I am feeling a little overwhelmed myself at this point.
First thing- So I started and ended my new dating experience with this guy I just met rather quickly. This whole dating thing is rather new to me, and I don't really know how to react when it does not go well. I have never been on a bad date, and that is why I do not have a lot of dating experience; just relationship experience...BIG difference. This dating adventure with this particular guy (later he will be referred to as Ahole) started with our first date last Wednesday. We decided to meet at a location to have some drinks and talk. Of course, when I first saw him, he was not exactly what I had anticipated, but I was trying to keep an open mind. We sat down and ordered drinks and the date was off and running. The first thing that I notice were his unusually girly hands. I do not know why I have this weird obsession with hands, but I do and I could not get over his. This guy also had a particular way of pronouncing and dragging out all his words. It was driving me absolutely crazy!!! The date lasted a couple of hours and toward the end he asked me on a second date. I said yes, hoping that I would be able to not pay attention to the hands, and maybe the annoying way he talked was just a result of first date jitters. He definitely won some points when he walked me to my car that was out of the way in pouring rain, so I had hoped that this was a sign of good things to come...boy, was I WRONG!!!
Second date- It is now Saturday and we had decided to go see a movie and meet for some drinks at his place beforehand. That was my biggest mistake of this whole experience...DO NOT meet at some one's place you barely know. So once I got there the awkwardness had started. We were really struggling for conversation which resulted in me just drinking my beer more frequently in hopes to soothe my misery. I had only been there about 5 minutes when he sits down next to me and goes in for the first kiss!!! What a dumb ass!!! Who goes in for the first kiss at the beginning of the second date?!?! I wasn't even for sure I wanted to hold his girly hands, let alone kiss him, but I did since I felt like I had no other option. Thank goodness he was a good kisser or I might have just called it the end right there. Next we went to the movie (Robin Hood) which was ok, but definitely too long for this date and FREEZING!!! After the movie was over we walked back to his car and it felt like the longest walk of my life. We had nothing to talk about, and when I would try and lighten him up with a joke or my famous sarcasm he just looked at me and wouldn't even smile. We went back to his condo (big mistake #2), and within 5 minutes he was aggressively kissing me on the couch. When he started to get very touchy, I interrupted him to remind him what type of girl I am and he didn't seem to care and just started kissing me again. We ended up horizontal on the couch with him on top of me and being way too aggressive. I tried to politely, but firmly stop him multiple times to tell him that I wanted to go home and he begged me to stay. Finally I got him to give me directions out of there and get off of me so I could leave. This is now when we refer to him as Ahole. I left in a hurry and ended up getting lost downtown while crying my eyes out. All I could think about was how stupid I felt for letting myself get into that situation and all the horrible things that could have happened. All I wanted to do was talk to someone that I knew and trusted and get my ass home!!!
An update- So thank goodness the Ahole has not tried to contact me. I am still quite traumatized from that night and I think I will be taking a break from dating right now. I need some time to recover!!! That's it for now~Kimberly

About me...

I thought for this post I would give my readers a little insight into my life. Now most of you probably think you know me pretty well, but I hope after reading this you might learn something new about me. So here we go...
* I am a complete sports fanatic. I love MU football and basketball especially, and maybe take it a little too serious sometimes, but that's just me!!!
* I played volleyball growing up and now I coach it for a hobby. Some people probably think that I complain about it way too much, but it is just because I am competitive and love to win!!! I thought that the club season would be over by now, but my team surprisingly made it to nationals, so RENO here we come!!! I will have to update you later on our results!!
* I have had my share of problems with guys and have decided to take a chance with online dating. It is scary, but I feel like I have learned more about myself and what I truly want in a partner at the same time. Tomorrow night will be my first experience with meeting someone from this new adventure so wish me luck!!:)
* I am thankful everyday for my job. Not only do I love taking care of kids, but I have also had the opportunity of meeting some of the most amazing and unique women in my life. They have become the people that I look forward to seeing every night when I come to work, giving me hugs when I am feeling down, sharing all my secrets with, my cheerleaders when I do not think I can do something, and a reminder everyday that I am a unique and special person that deserves to be surrounded by equally unique and special people. They are not just co-workers, or even friends, but are family.
* I just adopted an English Bulldog named Izzy that my animal-loving younger sister convinced me to do. This may not seem like a challenge to most people, but it is to me. I never planned on having any animals, but my sister is quite the salesman, and now Izzy has won my heart. I still have doubts from day to day, especially when she destroys something, breathes on me, or I cannot seem to get her shedding under control. With that said, I do believe that Izzy was a gift from God to help me in a difficult time in my life and to assure me that everything will be ok. It took me a while to realize that, but I now do, and I am so thankful for her.
* My next big life challenge is finding a new place to live in the next few months. I have decided that I am done with apartment living and it is time to put my big girl pants on and buy a house. I started house shopping a few months back, but got a little sidetracked for a while. It is now crunch time, and I need to put all fears aside and focus.

This post may not be as exciting (or alarming depending on personal preference) as the first one, but I plan on having a variety so make sure you check in frequently because you never know what I might post ;) ~Kimberly

Poppin' the Cherry...

Thanks to the wonderful influence of my good friend Katy A. and friends at work, I have decided to lose my blogging virginity. Since I do not think I have a lot of things to entertain you with on a day to day basis, I have decided to have discussions about the past along with the present.
I think this first blog should be all about first times. Let's all think back to that awkward moment that we expected to be full of complete excitement, stimulation, and connection, but instead was full of disappointment, surprise, and some physical pain. Maybe not everyone's first time was exactly like this, but from the stories I have heard from most women it is somewhat accurate.
Now for the part of the blog you have all been waiting for...my own personal first-time experience (and if your name is Ray or Denise Robbins, you should probably stop reading right about now). It was the spring of '03 and I was 18 years old and getting ready to graduate from high and completely in love for the first time in my life. I had been with my love, PB, for about 4 months and like any high school girl, I thought he was the one. We had been at a party and drinking (illegally...sorry mom and dad), having a very memorable time. It was coming to the end of the night where either people were leaving or trying to find the best spot to pass out for the night. PB and I found ourselves on the back deck of the house talking about anything and everything until the sun started to rise. We soon found ourselves kissing heavily, turning into full body touching with nothing but a blanket around us. I can remember to this day, shivering from nerves and the freezing temperature all at once. Doing the whole deed was quite tedious and didn't go quite as smoothly as I had excpected (everything from getting the condom on to keeping the stick in hole), but I still felt a connection to PB that I didn't know was possible. A short 5-10 minutes later, I felt a mix of physical pain mixed with a wave of different emotions. It is an experience that I am glad that I never have to go through again, but at the same time will never forget.
I hope this brings back your memories of your first time whether it be full of tears or laughter, I doubt it is something you will ever forget. That's it for now, stay tuned for more interesting topics in the future.~Kimberly